Patience is a Virtue


I think I have blogger’s block.

Every time I think of something to write, I just think, “No, that’s stupid. Nobody wants to read about that. You’re an idiot.”

Maybe I have blogger’s self-esteem issues.

I suppose I could talk to you guys about the fight – nay, two fights - Cute Boy and I have had in the past twelve hours. But I don’t really quite understand what they were about yet. And instead of trying to figure out what might be wrong with him - because that’s easy and I can come up with all kinds of conjectures as to why I’m right and he’s wrong – I am trying to be realistic and figure out what’s wrong with me, since I can more accurately pinpoint that problem and it probably has more to do with our arguments than I want to realize.

So this is the diagnosis: I need more patience. I seriously do. I am also easily irritated, which I think is linked to my inevitable need for more patience.

The general synopsis of our first argument last night was that he did one thing that irritated me and then everything that happened after that, whether it was something he said or someone on the street taking my parking spot, just irritated me further. Cute Boy pointed out that I seem to get easily irritated with him even though I can be just as obnoxious and annoying sometimes and he never seems to get irritated with me.

I don’t get it. I don’t want to be easily aggravated! I want to be easy and laid-back and cool and the world’s perfect girlfriend! But of course, Cute Boy’s pointing out that he did something right in our relationship and I failed at it miserably…well, that only irritated me further.

I don’t really know how to come by this whole patience thing. I’ve always known that I need more of it. I’m a prime example of road rage behind the wheel and my brother’s teasing/constant obnoxiousness quickly puts me over the edge. But how does one become more patient?

Cute Boy’s and my second argument today was when we started having a discussion (nay, disagreement) regarding films and film critics, which quickly turned into a discussion in elitism. I figured that being more patient required the conscious decision to approach discussions with more tact than I had previously, and I tend to get a little passionate when I feel strongly about a point of view (as does he), so I reminded myself:

“Be patient. Hear him out. Try to understand where he’s coming from and what he’s trying to say and make your argument rationally.”

And I was sure that I did! But as soon as the discussion came to a close, he said:

“Are you mad at me? In your eyes, it looks like you’re mad at me.”

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t!

I still feel that I need to be more patient. I know I haven’t changed in a day. And I’m still relatively sure that the best way to acquire patience (which is a virtue, after all) is to be conscious of situations where patience is needed the most and simply…be it (patient, that is).

I guess I need to be careful of what my eyes say too. This truly feels like a total personality overhaul, but I suppose it’s for the better.

Wish me luck.


Candace said...

Amen, sister. I hear everything you're saying loud and clear.

So many Cute Boys.

So short is my fuse. And attention span.

Keep on keepin' on. :)